My Nursing story: don't let anyone tell you who you can become.

I have debated on telling this story for a while. But, it is in my heart to tell. I feel someone needs to hear it. Not to feel sorry for me or pity. I want this story to inspire. To raise awareness on mental health what you can accomplish. That even a depressed, anxious, self destructing person can become  a person that cares for others. Can be someone else hero. That person was me. I have dyslexia, (in case no one noticed in my writing). I have anxiety and over coming depression. Guess what I am also a nurse. (For those just coming in to the blog. welcome) Not to toot my horn but a good one to. I write and that was something I was told as a child I would never do. But also was told I would never have a calculator hanging around ether and look at smart phones. Take that Mrs. Carver!! Sorry but, did not have a lot of teachers believe in me as a kid. So I grew up not believing in my self.  But, as I got older moved to a different school. That got a little better. Found band and friends, still didn't have the best self esteem in the world. It's hard being 5'9 bigger girl with curly hair and braces twice. That lets just say it, I'm a geek. So self destruction came. I had an eating disorder.  Well lets say I had unhealthy relationship with food called not eating. Anorexic. Lost a lot of weight and emotional wreck at all times. If I could talk to that girl today. Tell her how awesome she will become. Things would be different. But, its how I am the way I am now. So lets not dwell on those parts. I graduated and enter to College. Still not the best relationship with food but, tacos became and still is my favorite food. 

WKCTC was my school of choice well, school that was chosen for me. I went to find myself and what I wanted to be when growing up. It started as a designer I loved art and drawing clothes. Wanted to make a clothing line that would fit and inspire all types of girls in the world. This is what I was told, "Well that's not going to work too competitive area to be in. You have to exceptional great to make it." Then moved on to being an art teacher. I love art, teaching, and kids. Here comes the voice to tell me, "Well that doesn't make enough money." Moved to being Social worker. But I am too emotional for that. So I stopped telling them. As I was watching Grey's Anatomy with my mom late one night. I dreamed of being a nurse in the ER and a Kid was hurt. I had a Tag saying RN with Tinkerbell Scrubs on. The next day walked through Walmart and seen those exact scrubs. It dawned on me. I am to be a nurse! ...... was told by lots of people that I could not do it. Told well that's a lot of books to study, I am too artsy for this, I was not meant to be that. I knew in my heart I was. That was the first time I listened to my heart, Not what every one else thought . 

Nursing school was not easy at all. At this time. It did not come to me that I was dyslexic. I just new I sucked at testes. Was great in clinical. Unfortunately clinical is not the only way through school. Tests is what you have to pass to get through. I have never in my life been so stressed. Had people tell me well maybe you shouldn't be a nurse something else in health. Nursing is too hard for you. Even by the director of LPN program could not believe in me. My best friend did. She pulled and pushed me through it, even when I wanted to give up. She played "fire work" by Katy Perry and said that was me. I had to retake Med surge 2 and OB. When I was told I would have to retake OB I gave up. I was so done. That done did not express how much I was over this. I went to work I was a CNA at the hospital at the time. I will never forget the sweetie little black lady that was at the very end of my hall. She looked me in the eye and said you are going to be something great. You will be a great nurse. You have the truest heart. I cried. I never cry at work and I cried. I had not said a word to her about school or anything. I knew God was talking and telling me not to give up. I marched right in to my last test to take to get back in the program. Made the director of the LPN program so mad and she double took my grade on that test. 98% I finished OB. Graduated as a LPN. Only by God did I pass my NCLEX. I took my passing score to all that did not think I would make it and said here now watch me become an RN.

Needless to say I have not accomplished that ..... yet. I let life, a man, and doubt get in the way. I have let life slip away form me. An abusive man take control of my life take me down a very dark path. I have wrote a little about this and that I am in a better place now. This is wear I have found out that I am dyslexic. Which would have helped a lot in school. My parents never had me tested. Knew I was and never said anything. Got pregnant, had a kid, got married, we will stop hear for a moment. This is when I started to try to go to school again. For my son. And I was told by my husband at this time  "this will take time from your family. There is time for studies and time for family. Time for my truck." So see how well that went. Told him I want to be a nurse practitioner. "That means you are going to make me work hard for years. When are you putting time for family." I want to do for my family and myself,. Russ was the reason I wanted to go back. To show him that being different and special does not mean you can not go for your dreams. So then Divorce happened. The best discussion I made. Found a man who believes in  me more than anyone I ever met. Stated you are going to do this. I have attempted and failed. God had reasons he showed me. The pandemic, the house, my surgery I had to have. He had reasons. Still tells me you will go back keep trying you will get there when the time is right. So now I am studying for WKU LPN-RN program.  As of right now, I am a dyslexic nurse on the toughest hall at a nursing home. All I can say it's a God thing. He molding me and creating a strong nurse that will do some good in this world. 

Hopefully  this will inspire you to believe in yourself, Do not let anyone tell you who you can and can not be. Just because your brain see things a little different than others. I will never say I have a disability. I do not see myself disabled. I am able just a little different than others.  Does not mean you can not be who you want. Just means you might have to try more than others. Work harder than others. Takes more time than others, As long as you get there. That is all that matters. I made it, and I will make it again. I will have another story to tell. I am now the best I have ever felt about myself. I am happy to tell others what I am and it shocks people. They ask how did I do it? my answer is its a God thing. Which is completely true.